I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
