My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
