My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
