i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
