Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
