My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
