Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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