tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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