For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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