i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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