I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
