I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
