I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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