If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
