Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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