Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i was born a porn star she said
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
