I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
