his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
