Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
