pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
