I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
