So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
