im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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