apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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