He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
high people should be assigned attendants
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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