So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize