Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
