At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
