Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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