no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
