He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
