I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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