I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
