where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
