I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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