when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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