dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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