woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
