what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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