You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
