My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I could fuck to npr.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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