someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
