I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
