I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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