i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
