ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
