before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize