Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
