Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
