Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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