If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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