all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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