If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
