It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
