You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
