Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
