mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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