If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
