Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
