I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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