her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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