I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
