How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize