I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
