so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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