Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
