No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
